Orphanage Redux

A castaway

Again

A separated child

Left here

or

Taken there

Why?

I know now

But am still

A hostage

Someplace

Every place

Again

My heart

Again

Unseen

Unheard

Unheeded

Unknown

But You Are

Here

There

The someplace

In every place

I know this

Sometimes

But not now

Children still

Even when grown

Do not wait well

Inside

A shout of

Now

Now

I need You

Now

From what once was

A two year old

Standing

Screaming

In the crib

Nun running

Habit

Veil

Hems flying

While racing

In a darkened dormitory

Moonlit windows

Shadow Sister

Not my sister

Who is also

Far away

They stay

Far away

Never reaching me

I can’t remember

The end

Instead

The movie is

Always the same

The screaming

The crib

Me standing

Sister running

In the dark

In moonlight

Past the many beds

In the dormitory

Towards me

But never reaching me

Empathy

What you say,
we say,
at separate times
in different rooms.
This voice,
our heart,
speaks.
What words?
All words.
Those words
that have no sound,
cannot
be heard,
but are felt,
felt so deeply
here
in our heart.
We are listening.
We hear the cry,
the ache, the pain.
We are within
this heart.
We feel.
We know this echo of you.

Within and Without

I have heard
That there is
Pain here
Within and without
Where when alone
It overtakes your
Heart
Soul
Mind
Body
On streets
In bright or
Darkened rooms
Physically
Spiritually
Emotionally
Numbing
Twisting
Desecrating
Stunting
Even camouflaging
Such pain
Jagged ice
Searing
Rammed
Into that hidden crevice
Shattering
Yet
I have heard
That there is hope

I know

I know

I know

Let’s talk
Or just walk
As I smoke
Maybe
We can devise a simple plan
To move beyond
This endless ravine
Where you are now
Awestruck
By
Engulfing
Relentless
Pain

For You For Me

I have wondered

When was it

For you

or

For me

That I sat beside you

In a hard metal chair

While you

In an induced

Comatose state

With a menagerie of

Inserted tubes residing in

Hidden and

Public places

Laid quietly as

My vocabulary grew

New tutors

Doctors

Nurses

Technicians

Therapists

So many 

Too many

Tried to explain

Just what they

Were doing to you

No, to your body

Med this

Med that

Med to counteract

Med to impact

Every part of you

Emotionally reeling

Swaying

Trying to hold steady

When I couldn’t

I stepped away

TMI as the saying goes

To have a smoke

Try to let it sink in

Or just banish the

Latest news from

Sight

Thought

Feeling

Existence

Until again

I could reenter that

Dear God Please

Temporary

Beeping

Blinking

Needle sticking

Terrifying

Long term lease

Prison of a hospital room

Morning Interrupted

Slowly I don
Undies
Jeans
Top
Shoes
Coat
Brush hair back and decide
Cover it with a hat
Gather
Keys
Lighter
Pack of cigs
Guilt
Old portable am radio
Insert ear buds
Listen to the weather and
Walk as well as I can
Elevator down to one
Static on the airwaves
Exit the low end of the skyhighrise
Stop
Look down
A butterfly
Wings upright
Close together
No flying in the rain
With me under the overhang
I slowly bend
Gently extend a finger and
Place it in front of a monarch's legs
It alights
I slowly rise
Finger with passenger aboard
Close to my face
Where are its eyes
I take us to a dryer space
Talk quietly then look about
Anyone watching this
No
I continue
Wings begin a slowmo flutter
Up down
Up down
Up down
and more
Until
Rain stops
A little sun
Faster Faster
Wings of Nascar
Take flight
Goodbye
I smile
light a smoke
and inhale

They Call Me "Smoker"

Health threat
Synchophant
Guilt ridden
Smiling
Fool
Emotionally unstable
Lazy
Uncouth
Inconsiderate
Smelly
Dirty
Sick and sickening
The cause of all problems in the world
No
Just untouchable and unbearable
Scientifically certifiable
Ostraciszed
A loner
Says you
Read my poems to learn what’s happened while I
Puff
Puff
Puff